“Back to School” is a phrase that the majority of parents look forward to and dream about for two months. However, as a parent of a child with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) I know that these feelings are very different. The smiles can be replaced with nervousness, fear, and a sense of anxiety on both the parent and child’s part. As we all know, parenting is like a curvy road and you’re not quite sure where it will take you. A parent of an SPD child is maneuvering the “road” of life, but the path is not always paved. Often, we are maneuvering on an unpaved or even gravel road. We never quite know what we are going to encounter on a daily basis. Each day is a special blend of smiles, love, success, frustration, disappointments, and possibly meltdowns.

My SPD child hates change. She likes routine and knowing what is going to happen. The “Back to School” period is one of change and anxiety for her. In my house, preparing to go “Back to School” is not just about buying school supplies, clothes, and new backpacks. This time period is a month-long process filled with fear, questions, and lots of concerns, such as “will my teacher understand me?” As a parent and teacher, I navigate this path as smoothly as I can to understand all viewpoints. If she is switching schools, I begin to drive by the school. My husband and I give answers to the countless questions, concerns, and fears that will be voiced over and over again. As the end of August approaches, my own questions begin to formulate in my head. My questions are similar to hers.

Then, I see it sitting in the mailbox. It is the letter with the name of the teacher. As I read it over and share it with my child, I am aware the anxiety is building internally and at any moment or in a couple of hours she could be engaged in a full meltdown in my family room or lashing out at her younger brother. I remind myself once again that I am her voice and I need to begin the transition process. I have learned not to wait a month for the teacher to get to know her and her signals. I am fully aware that no teacher wants to be bothered too early in the summer, but I figure if the letter has arrived in the mailbox he/she has begun their transition to teacher mode.

I suggest you write a simple email to the teacher that you are looking forward to a wonderful school year and you would like to speak with him or her about your child at their convenience. Provide contact information and wait for the phone to ring. I have always been contacted and I would do the same for any parents that approach me in my professional life. You are the expert on what works for your child. During the course of the brief conversation, I advise you give an overview of your child and his or her preferred learning style. This is especially valuable in pre-K and kindergarten when the children are sometimes very shy and quiet and will not speak up for themselves. I share what I believe to be the most important piece of information; the visual signs of an impending meltdown, such as clenched fists, twitching nose, and red cheeks in our case. As a teacher and mother, I know the best way to prevent a meltdown is to recognize the signs. I always joke with her teachers that by the time a meltdown occurs they are headed for twenty minutes of calming her down and a potential loss of learning for the remainder of the day. I encourage them to contact me a couple of days after school starts to see how everything is going. You, as the parent, need to establish the open lines of communication and the majority of teachers make this a priority. One word of advice: if your child’s teacher gives his or her personal cell phone number to you, use it only when absolutely necessary and not when they forget their homework. Save these things for a note or email.

If your child is transitioning to kindergarten and elementary school, do everything in your power to go to the kindergarten orientation a few days before school starts. I know as a working parent that this is not always possible. If you can’t go personally, have a trusted family member go instead of you. This brief walk around their classroom and school hallway alleviates the fear of the unknown and gives you a chance to see the room.  You can identify quiet areas of the room, see where your child will be sitting, and listen for noisy lights or dripping faucets that would make it hard for an SPD child. Do not be fooled by where the teacher’s desk is in proximity to your child’s seat because teachers rarely sit at their desks. Often, you will be able to meet the child’s teacher. If your school does not offer an orientation right before school starts, contact the school principal and politely ask if you can walk around the school with your child and make an appointment. The school will have a policy if you need to be escorted by a staff member.

I wish everybody the best of luck during this time of change. Take a deep breath and maneuver the unpaved road the best way you can. 

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Kim Jacobs lives in the state of New York with her husband of 21 years and currently works in an urban school district.  She has a wonderful family of three children, two girls and a boy.  Their ages are 15, 10, and 7 respectively.  She is a teacher that has worked with toddlers to fifth graders in her twenty year education career.  Over the years, she has developed a passion for advocating for children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and anxiety due to the diagnosis of her daughter. At the age of two, her daughter was diagnosed with SPD followed by a diagnosis of anxiety at the age of nine years old.