Last month, my son Brennan graduated from 5^th grade.  This was truly one of the proudest moments of my life as a mother so far.  This was a day that we had talked about for the last couple of years.  What Brennan had talked about most was what he would be wearing.  Brennan had goals of wearing a suit to his graduation when he was in 3^rd grade and we went to his friend’s graduation.  In 4^th grade, he talked about wearing dress slacks and a tie.  Every year he talked about his outfit for graduation so there was a lot of pressure already built up about his outfit for this big day. 

Brennan has severe tactile discrimination and has been in the same pair of shorts for the last 2 ½ years.  That is ALL he wears, ONE pair of shorts for swimming, sleeping, etc.  Needless to say, we do a lot of laundry.  In December, 2015 Brennan was wearing one dri-fit shirt and the same pair of basketball shorts.  I am proud to report that as of today, he has numerous shirts.  They are all dri-fit but Brennan has made huge progress. 

Graduation Day didn’t come without the usual trials and errors.  I ended up taking off work that day to try and make it run smoother or so I thought.  Brennan had decided that he was going to wear a new collared shirt, new shorts and new shoes.  He had not tried on anything and his plan was to just put it on for graduation.  Unfortunately, in California we had a heat wave the day of his graduation, which causes his sensory issues to become worse.  To top it off, our air conditioner in our home broke so the relaxing day that I had planned at home turned into a nightmare because he was super anxious and it was extremely hot which meant he took out his anxiety on his little brother.  This was one of those moments that I just prayed everything would be all right.  I called the church where the graduation was being held to see if they had air conditioning, because I knew at that point, if the answer was no, I was going to be dealing with World War III.  Thankfully, my prayers were answered and the church was air-conditioned.  Now, all I had to do was get my children to the church without killing each other.  Oh, I forgot to mention that our house was undergoing a remodel and we had no furniture downstairs because we had a flood in January.  Just some extra stress to add to the mix.  There is definitely never a dull moment in our household! 

When we arrived at the church, Brennan’s plan was to change in the car, as it is difficult for him to wear new clothes in the car or ever, for that matter.  It was probably 95 degrees out and that dreaded time to change had arrived.  I held my breath, put on a smile, and watched as Brennan put on the collared shirt.  I could tell he was having a hard time since he had never worn it before. He actually has not worn a collared shirt for four years.  He then gave me a look and I knew he could not do the new shirt, shorts, and shoes –so I told him that the shirt was more than enough and I was so proud of him.  Brennan then got really mad at me because for some reason it was always my fault, which was okay.  Next, to my surprise, he got out of the car.  I could not believe it.  His shirt was long so it covered up his old shorts and he looked so handsome and no one had any idea what a big deal it was that he was wearing a new shirt!  My dear friend Renee pulled up right about that time and she just smiled.  We are so blessed to have such amazing friends, and Brennan truly is lucky.  None of his friends judge him or even care what he wears. It still amazes me the love that his friends show for him. 

I learned long ago not to care what others think, which was probably one of the hardest lessons to learn.  Now, I find it so easy to tune everyone else out, as I am sure there were many people at that graduation wondering what mom would have their son show up in shorts to such an important event.  Like the one mom who told me prior to the graduation, “Remember, it is Sunday best for the attire.”  I thought to myself has she really not noticed that my son has been out of dress code for the last three years?  But what surprised me was that Brennan was not the only child in shorts.  Yes, there were boys in suits and of course the girls were very dressy but my son wore a smile so big and even wore his lei and he fit in! 

To say the tears were streaming down my face that day would be an understatement.  The tears started with the white rose that Brennan brought me at my seat and continued with the video showing all the memories he and his classmates had made over the years.  They increased when Brennan’s class sang a song about growing up, and started flowing when his amazing principal spoke about faith and about being the best version of yourself that you can be.  He quoted Steph Curry from his MVP speech and just really talked to the kids about how it is okay to be who you are and be grateful for all of the blessings that you have in your life.  That is the moment that I reflected on how far Brennan has come with his Sensory Processing Disorder.  Also, just knowing that he is surrounded by amazing people that tell him that it is okay to just be him, really made me feel blessed too. 

I am always telling Brennan that as horrible as this is for him and unfair to have to go through, if he didn’t have Sensory Processing Disorder, he would just have something else.  I truly believe everyone has something to overcome and that is what makes you who you are.   As unfair as it seems at times, it is making him a stronger man for finding a way to overcome it.  Some of his friends have anxiety, some have Dysgraphia, some have Dyslexia, some have ADHD, some are Autistic, and some are dealing with their parents getting divorced.  The bottom line is everyone has something.  I think that is the most important lesson that he has learned – that it is okay to be himself and everyone has something and it is okay to be different.  The harder lesson to learn is that you can’t please everyone. 

Last Tuesday during his OT session, Brennan looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Mom, I haven’t made any progress.”  Those words stung my heart so much as tears formed in my eyes and I tried so hard to be strong for him and think how in the world was I going to turn this situation around.  As parents, we can all relate when you have to be quick on your toes to think of the answer or to say something to calm your child.  Knowing that my child was struggling so hard with pressures that most kids didn’t have, was so difficult to see. I tried not to let myself go to that place of why…that question I have asked myself so many times.  Why was he faced with this challenge of Sensory Processing Disorder?  Why does he have it?  Why can’t he wear clothes?  There are so many questions that I could ask myself but on that day at that moment in time I just had faith.  Usually, in a situation like that I tend to panic that I need to have the answer or figure out how to stop the meltdown or prevent it for that matter.  On that day during his OT session I just sat calmly and had faith in my son and in all of his hard work and saw in his poor little face how much he wanted to be “normal”.  I thought back to his graduation day and his principal’s speech and remembered that all of Brennan’s hard work would pay off.  We just needed faith. 

That day was probably one of his hardest OT sessions for Brennan, because he is starting Junior High in approximately one month and the pressure he has put on himself to get in dress code is overwhelming.  Although he will still be at his same school, he will be switching campuses in August.  His OT was remarkable in taking away that pressure by telling him it really wasn’t the pressure of school starting, it was the fact that his shorts were going to be falling apart soon, so it didn’t really have anything to do with school starting.  Once she did that it turned everything around for him and he was able to believe in himself. 

Last Thursday when we completed our third session of the week (we are doing more during the summer months), Brennan looked up at me with a smile and said, “Mom, we had a really good week of OT this week!”  I am happy to report that he has made so much progress these last three days that I am beaming with pride. I just have to say that my son wore NEW shorts Friday for 2 hours. He put on a helmet, which he has not done for several years, and rode a razor motorcycle, which was amazing!  He can’t ride a bike, as he is working on balance. For him to get on the motorcycle and not be afraid in front of his friends, and do it in his new shorts with the helmet, it was shocking!  He is accepting himself and being comfortable with who he is, which is allowing him to grow.  Brennan also wore a different pair of new shorts today for 3 ½ hours and even wore them in the car, which is super hard for him to do.  He had his friend Jake with him encouraging him, which was so nice to see.  I just looked at him and smiled and said, “In case you didn’t notice; this is what progress looks like!”  He just laughed. 

Learn more about the Tactile System, the Subtypes of SPD, and Treatment of SPD.

Kelli Schmidt completed her undergraduate degree at the University of California, Santa Barbara before earning her Juris Doctor law degree from Lincoln Law School of San Jose. Ms. Schmidt is a partner in her law firm, Rocha & Schmidt and is a member of the California Applicants’ Attorneys Association (CAAA), where she currently serves on the Woman’s Caucus Committee and is on the Board of Directors. She is also a past President of the CAAA Santa Clara Chapter.

Outside of her law practice, Kelli Schmidt is devoted to her loving family, including her husband, two amazing young sons, Brennan & Blake and their 2 rescue beagles Lexi and Rocky.  She is also fortunate to live close to her parents who spend quality time with the boys and loves being a soccer/football mom.  Ms. Schmidt enjoys volunteering at her sons' schools and has recently been asked to join the PTPF Board at Brennan's Junior High for the 2016-17 school year.  Ms. Schmidt is fortunate to have a sister living in Hawaii, and Kelli and her family love to travel to the Aloha State to visit her family.