Siblings that have a brother or sister with Sensory Processing Disorder deserve an Olympic gold medal. Our 11 year-old son Jackson has an amazing brother in our 13 year-old son, Bryce. Bryce’s life started out fairly uncomplicated minus a few first-time parent moments that we all have as we learn the ropes of parenting.  At the age of two, though, his life was changed along with ours when SPD entered our world.

I wanted to point out several things as I write this. The first is that by no means do any of us, including Bryce, regret having Jackson. There are no words to describe how much we love him and the light he brings to this world. SPD is part of what makes Jackson who he is and those life lessons he brings. We don’t regret SPD either. The other thing I want to make clear is that I don’t feel sorry for Bryce. We all were gifted with SPD in our family, and family sticks together no matter what. Yes, there are many times it appears that Bryce honestly hates Jackson. I’ve come to realize though that when Bryce is angry, he’s angry with SPD and not Jackson; as we all are mad at it sometimes. Simply, I want to bring light to the amazing siblings that belong to our SPD children.

That being said, I struggled when the boys were young. Bryce loved Jackson from the day he was born. He came up to the hospital to see him and snuggled him while grinning ear to ear. As an infant Jackson was incredibly clingy. He had to be held or breastfed almost around the clock to avoid crying twelve hours or more a day. I quickly learned to master multi-tasking, trying to make sure I didn’t short Bryce any playtime or attention, while attempting to keep Jackson from screaming all day. Accomplishing the smallest of tasks seemed impossible. I was so grateful for the visits from grandparents, friends and family when they would be there to lend a helping hand.

When we took Jackson to STAR Institute Treatment Center, Bryce was in every therapy session with him. Bryce was often the only one that could get him to do things he needed to do. I was thankful that our whole family was allowed to be involved in most of Jackson’s sessions because it allowed us to see his specific struggles, and we were taught how to help him the most. It made it easy as a parent to start relying on Bryce to be my helper because Jackson looked up to him so much and therefore, life was easier with Bryce’s help. There were times I thought that Bryce knew what to do with him better than we did. My husband, Erich was at work all day so Bryce became my right hand. Looking back, I regret the many times I might have leaned on Bryce too heavily when I never should have placed that responsibility on his shoulders.

As life with the boys went on, my heart often broke and still does on occasion, for Bryce. We’ve had many family outings that were canceled when the SPD monster reared its ugly head with Jackson. We’ve left MLB and NFL games because it was loud or the crowd was too much. We’ve left fun excursions because Jackson’s legs were too tired to walk anymore. We’ve left restaurants with incredible meals on our plates and taken it to go because the smell of the food in the restaurant or the clanking of plates and silverware was too much to bear. Bryce is often short-changed. While my husband and I have learned to brush it off and consider it a normal part of our life, I often see the disappointment on Bryce’s face (facial expressions that now contain eye rolls) that often includes a healthy dose of anger.

This has all led to what is somewhat normal for siblings, yet frustrating discord between them. There are days when I feel like Bryce wishes that Jackson would just disappear. He’s angry with the SPD, just like I am on many days. I know in my mom heart of hearts that they do love each other. There was a neighborhood bully that went after Jackson at the beginning of the summer, and before I even processed what happened, Bryce was down the street verbally informing this not-so-nice child that he’d better leave Jackson alone. I see how much Jackson looks up to Bryce, watches his every move, and tries to imitate him.

Bryce was gifted many things in life. He has the most caring and loving heart, a wicked sense of humor, a great love for animals, -- -- -- I could go on and on. I know that at age 13 it’s hard for him to realize just how much he’s learned from Jackson. The weight that has been placed on him as big brother, often being put on the back burner while we deal with the meltdowns, therapy sessions, doctor’s appointments, etc., is enormous. None of us as SPD parents intentionally put our neurotypical (non-SPD) children in this place. It’s what we have to do to survive. It’s important that we spend one on one time with our non-SPD children as well and take them to those places you can’t typically go. Put them on the front burner for a change. They need this so much, and you do too!

So to Bryce and all of you siblings that have a brother or sister with SPD, you rock my world. We all look at our SPD kids as our heroes for tackling and overcoming their many difficulties, but you’re all heroes too. You are forced to grow up in what is at times a crazy environment. You are forced to learn hard life lessons at a very young age. Know that you are loved and appreciated, even when we don’t take the time to tell you. We see you. We see the amazing things you do! Thank you for being who you are and traveling this SPD road with your parents and your siblings. None of us had the chance to choose it, but we’re all on this road, whether we like it or not. Having you by our side makes this journey an even more beautiful trip and we love you for the special people you are.     

Learn about the STAR Treatment Model that is inclusive of parents and family!

Meggin has recently achieved a long term goal of founding a non-profit organization, Sensational Hope (www.sensationalhope.org), which provides community awareness about SPD in the Kansas City Metro Area. It connects families as well as assists children with SPD in the purchase of needed therapy equipment. Meggin resides in the Kansas City area with her husband of 15 years, Erich, her two sons, Bryce and Jackson, her two furry children (dogs) Chance and Sadie, two Rabbits (Max and Bailey), and last but not least, 10 fish.  Meggin is honored to blog for the STAR Institute and is looking forward to connecting with other SPD families.